Quick update: Thank you so, so much for being so generous, awesome, and helpful, I really do love you all. Without wanting to sound overly greedy or spoilt, I would like to assure you that if we exceed the original goal all of the money will still go to the Violet Wand, or more accurately the accessories and attachments. Any extra money means more bits, more bits means more fun to share in, and the fun is definitely something that will be shared!
So after several crises of confidence and panic attacks, the original campaign was taken down. Since then, there have been many reassurances that this is a thing that can happen. To celebrate reaching three decades of life, which frankly longer than any one may have reasonably expected, the aim is to all go in on one big group present, a fancy-pants violet wand. The upshot being that everyone can benefit from it, because quid pro quo.
The plan is to buy the following, or really as many fun, pretty, and evil bits and accessories as possible:
https://www.violet-wands.com/shop/the-mjolnir-hammer-violet-wand-2/ - The heart of the beast
https://www.violet-wands.com/shop/the-harrow-violet-wand-roller/ - This just looks mean
https://www.violet-wands.com/shop/scaled-uranium-cr-fe-glass-nipple-tippler/- Probably the greatest thing ever
https://www.violet-wands.com/shop/knutr-rope-violet-wand-flogger/ - Electro-brutality!
https://www.violet-wands.com/shop/violet-wand-lightsaber-red/ - Ok, this is probably the greatest thing ever.
A gift of any size is greatly appreciated; $4.99? Awesome. $30? that's a dollar for each year! $75? You can totally make use of it for your generous contribution! $250? You can legit use it on me, you generous, sadistic flower. A quarter of a million dollars? Hey, worth a shot.
Even better, a gift of online cashmoney will mean not having to visit a store full of Christmas shoppers. You will warm the cockles of Lachlan's otherwise dank and grim little heart.
Thank you for reading this far through, if you decide to give a gift, I love you for your generosity, if not, I still love you for your thrifty capitalist spirit.